Weather It Is (Saying Thanks)

Jun-01-2020 11:1

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 I pointed out that we'd already had one unusual May (winter) rain, and that our unusually intense and unusually long lasting heatwave would likely be followed by another winter like storm.  At one point the global forecasts suggested that this would be a late spring storm more reminiscent of our most severe winter storms.  In the end, though nighttime and morning rains fell fast and furious in many locations, it was over before the afternoon, and some places saw only sprinkles.

I had hoped that this last storm would "bring the house down," before moving into our summer months, and that I would finally get the recognition I've felt I deserved all along.  Alas I did not...

Until, I did.  It happened just the other day that my wife came downstairs and said: "this weather is really amazing." I told her that I agreed with her and then I waited.  And then it came: "thank you."
I may make a mess in the kitchen, but where it counts there is appreciation!

One strange thing about being in relative seclusion is that I find I miss people that I never thought I would ever miss.  I find myself actually happy to see my neighbor or catch a word with someone who just used to just pass me by on the street.

Of course, this is a far different kind of missing than the missing that unfortunately happens to all of us if we spend enough time here on earth. We're either missing someone or eventually being missed ourselves.  Such is a time for sad words, occasionally with perhaps a moment of happier recollection. But, its also the time when you wish you could have said something or wish you could say something that the other person would have appreciated hearing, if only (perhaps they are) could hear just then.

But, what if you could actually be sure that the person or persons get the message?  Wouldn't it be better to pass the message on while you know you can?

I've been pondering this question for a while and decided that I would try to write a letter to my parents, saying simply "Thank you."  I really want them to know how much I appreciate them and how important they have been to me, my family, and how much I have enjoyed their spending time with us and their grandchildren.

When we're young, we have a feeling of endless time.  We get up, we go to school, the coming of summer brings an extra bit of joy, and we simply assume that our parents will make it all happen. They comfort when needed: like the time when I ignored their admonition not to ride my tricycle without shoes on. They put food on the table: we even had a dinner bell so we wouldn't be late for supper.  Nothing was tastier than Dad's chicken in a bag, or Mom's pies. I can't even count the number of salads my mother made -- that is dedication.  They had endless patience to help with homework, and were always there to drop us off or pick us up.

Yet, childhood was not easy, for them or us.  We all had challenges that needed attention. We had neighbors who I definitely do not miss for their teasing. At one point my mother went back to work, while my father studied for his Ph.D.  Those were hard years where Dad was home, but he wasn't home.

Ironically, I've done the same thing.  I worked many days at home, and even right out in the open of our living room.  Yet, I was too busy at times to relate like a father should.

But, how do I really know how a father or parent should relate?  Simply because of them.  Mom and Dad didn't just take care of us, but they also taught us their values.  It was these fundamental values that enabled me to find my "soulmate," who was raised in a family quite different from ours, but with the same values of honesty, kindness, and belief in responsibility. They also taught us to make up our own minds and respected our interests.   The wind vane my father placed on the apex of the house is still there. I received payment for growing strawberries in my garden, and now my garden is full of blueberries, raspberries, blackberries,  cherries... I still have the bicycle I received before and used on my first real cross-country trip

It seems like I lived at home forever.  Yet, most of my life has been spent beyond the years when I lived at home. But, inbetween leaving home and having a family of my own there was a transition.  One might think that children leave -- or at least children think this -- that parents stop being parents, but it isn't so.  I still remember my father giving me advice about what I should do after finishing my Ph.D: I wanted to go to Israel to learn Torah and he said I should work first, so I could be sure to have a job when I returned.  I was so angry (at him) because I wanted more than just learning, but a religious family too, and I wanted it then, not later. Still, I accepted his advice, went to learn 4 years afterwards, and parlayed my work experience into a job that I still have 20 years later.  Dad and I used to bicycle together and  I resented being told I was riding my bicycle too far off the shoulder. He agreed to tone it down.  Yet,  I am certain to give my children the same type of advice. In fact, I don't hesitate to give advice when I think safety matters are at hand.

Now, our relationship has evolved from parent-child to one of parent-grandchildren. This is something we  never had, as their parents or our grandparents passed away too soon.

It was and is as grandparents that my parents' kindness has made all the difference in our lives. There is nothing nicer than a new winter hat from Grandma or a fun game to play when it rains.  Both packed and carried duffel bags almost as large as elephants on their periodic visits.  One day Mom decided that our apartment was too small, and within a few months we we're looking to move.  The kids need a tutor, please let us help.

There is a joke about moving to Israel: how do you make a small fortune? Move to Israel with a large fortune.  To be honest, just have one of your kids live in Israel. It's not the way it should be, but they adapted their beliefs to fit the situation.

Of course, having the means to help and actually helping are not the same thing.  There are people who want to help, but can't.  There are people who could help, but won't.  Then, there are people who want to help, and do help.

Moreover, it's not just me -- they've always been there for my siblings, no matter how small or how large the problem.  To them, family is more than a word, it's a creed.

I suppose I could have written a different type of blog, and told a few stories about our lives together. Stories, though, are fleeting.  They overshadow the daily day to day interactions that life is really made of.  They overshadow life itself, but they are not what life is.

Barry Lynn